Walmart Kills my Sex Drive

by admin

It’s true. If I had an erection, it’d go flaccid as soon as I crossed the doors into Walhell. Rubbing elbows with the morbidly obese in stretch pants, being cussed at by crotchety grannies, getting hit on by crack heads, and armies of dirty ass kids paint a pretty picture. Why aren’t these kids in school? And since when did crack heads have disposable income? And dammit, somebody get granny her freakin’ pills. Oh Walmart, you lure me in with your everyday low prices then scare me away with your underworld posse. Shame on you.

There shall be no preggin’ for me. Thank you Wal-Mart for squashing my libido.

High schools should take field trips to Wal-Mart instead of promoting STARS. If anyone takes initiative on my new program, could you honor me by titling it, “Scared Straight off Sex.”

On a related note, I read this in The Onion today…