Dear Red States
This was stolen from Ms. Martha, who in turn stole it from somebody else. Somebody rad.
Blue States
Dear Red States,
We’ve decided we’re leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we’re
taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, New York, and all of the Northeastern states.
After this election, we’ll be adding Colorado and New Mexico. (AND HOPEFULLY VA, PA, and FLA).
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, especially to the people of our new country – Nuevo California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states; we get
stem cell research, the best beaches, and the best ski resorts.
We get the Statue of Liberty; you get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft; you get WorldCom.
We get Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Cal Tech, MIT and Columbia; you get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs; you get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families and you get a bunch of under-educated single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti- war, and we’ll need all of our citizens back from Iraq at once.
If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They apparently have kids they’re willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t mind if you don’t televise their kid’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq and hope that those Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up for you, but we’re not willing to spend any more of our money in Bush’s
Quagmire.
With the Blue States, we will control 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, 90 percent of pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 97 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at your state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, and all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools.
We also get New England, the Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you very much.
In the Red States, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, 100 percent of tornadoes, 94 percent of hurricanes, 99 percent of Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, you get Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bob Jones University, and Clemson.
Additionally, in the Red States, 38 percent actually believe Jonah was swallowed by a whale; 62 percent believe life is sacred unless it involves the death penalty or gun ownership; 44 percent claim that evolution is only a theory; 53 percent insist that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11; and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you have higher moral standards than those of us on the left.
Peace out,
The Blue States
November 3, 2008 5 Comments
US Candidate Finger Puppets! FUN!
Check out the printable finger puppets by http://folduscandidate.com/.
Think how much fun you could have while playing house (white house)!
Miss Hilary? Well here she is available to download: Printable Hilary Clinton.
September 21, 2008 No Comments
McCain’s Quest for the Ovary Vote
John McCain’s response to MTV, The Hill’s star Heidi Montag’s pledge of support.
“I’m honored to have Heidi’s support, and I want to assure her that I’ll never miss an episode of The Hills , especially since the new season started.”
WTF? Desperate for votes?
He’s really on overdrive to get lady support.
September 21, 2008 No Comments
McCain's Quest for the Ovary Vote
John McCain’s response to MTV, The Hill’s star Heidi Montag’s pledge of support.
“I’m honored to have Heidi’s support, and I want to assure her that I’ll never miss an episode of The Hills , especially since the new season started.”
WTF? Desperate for votes?
He’s really on overdrive to get lady support.
September 21, 2008 No Comments
Art, Politics, and Foreign Affairs for Your Sunday
Here are some random links to make your stomach flip flop.
You’re welcome in advance.
31 fantastic online tools for journalists: Reportr.net
Awesome photos of life in North Korea today: here
A lovely project by Portland local, Andrea, inspired by Keri Smith’s Guerrilla Art Kit. I adore Keri Smith. Check out her blog and books here. It’ll make you smile.
For funky hand-crafted items see: The Curiosity Shoppe 
UK article that reveals Bin Laden used to be a much sought after Wedding speaker.
Read about it here.
“POETRY by Osama Bin Laden is to be published next week by an Oxford-educated academic, who has discovered that the world’s most hated terrorist was once in great demand as an after-dinner speaker. ”
John McCain loves him some torture. Former tortured POW now supports POW torture. Very interesting.
For more info on this topic see Junichi’s blog.
And, a fun picture of Kim Jong III lookin’ cooool.
September 21, 2008 No Comments
